My friend Niels

photographer: me

model: niels

between two lungs

city street life

NOTE: OLD PICTURE

Life and death

NOTE: THIS IS AN OLD TEXT I WROTE. SO DON’T MIND THE MISTAKES.

Why do we live, if we eventually all die? And some of us way too early. What is this all about?

I think these are some question you should think off. But not for too long, but when you think about them for a long time, you get scared. Although, I get scared. No one knows what it’s like to be dead. Nor does anyone know what happens after it.

Some people aren’t interested in what will happen with them after they die. Although they act like they don’t care, but I think that everyone wants to know it. They don’t want to look like pussy’s or something, I don’t know. When they are alone they’ll think about it. But they won’t tell anyone what they think. They keep it for their selves. What happens eventually when nobody helps you? You lose control of everything. So why not talk about things you think. You shouldn’t be scared to be mocked. People who will laugh at you are not worth it to be your friend.

Back to the life and death thing. Why do we live if we die eventually? Well, I think life is all about the meaning you give it. Life is made to search and find your meaning in this life. If you are a plumber, scientist, millionaire,… It doesn’t matter. As long as you’re happy and in good shape ( by which I mean: to be healthy ) you’ll be ‘passed’ for life. I know this isn’t the right word for it, but I mean that you’ll live happily. You made the best out of your life, and so are you supposed to be.

But when I look at this opinion, I think… why are so many people having bad luck in their lives? For example : homeless people, people who die to early, people who get murdered, abused, people who lose their children,… How can this happen? I can’t really believe that God or such does these cruel things. So I start thinking… perhaps it could have something to do with karma. You know, when you do something right you’ll get something right back. But this doesn’t count for abused people, child-murders etc.

And what about children? Daily there are dying children. Cancer-patients are a big part of them. How can a child deserve a cruel dead? And there flews this whole karma thing away. It’s so horrible for the child itself, in first case. They just die. No great life for them anymore. And they couldn’t stop it. They are just harmless. Some are strong enough to fight against it. But eventually they will end up the same way as the other ones. I know there are children who conquer this disease. Still, too much are dying. Well, not any child should die. It just so wrong.

Consider all the pain that this brings. They suffer a strong pain. And nothing they can do. The best thing they could do is enjoy their short lives the fullest. No matter what. The parents should give them everything they want. As long as they stay happy. Whether they have cancer or not. Happiness can give you a really boost if it comes to perseverance. I know this might seem easy said. But I think this is the way it is. When you are happy and positive on things, they’ll work out better.

And think of some cases where children get killed. They could get murdered by child-rapers. That’s two pains they suffer from. I can’t understand this. Every single child deserves a good life. Every single person deserves it. Still a lot of things go wrong.
Not to forget children who have no food. I think about Africa and other low-financial countries. They die because the lack of food. And most parents out there can’t help it. They try the hardest they can to feed their children. Eventually they still die, after a long road of suffering. So be honest, think twice before you throw away food that’s too much for you.

On the other hand, think about the pain it brings to their parents and family. Not only the child’s life is ruined, but also the parent’s life. They can’t live the same way as they did anymore. Nor the family, nor the friends can do this. There’s a big part of them missing. Eventually all of us will go through this situation. It’s so hard to accept this. But yeah, there is no turning back. The only thing you can do is to keep on living the way your died child wanted it to be. Everywhere you go, he/she will be in your heart. So, why not live for your child then?

About the murderers, rapers, etc… I came to this point. These days you can’t trust no one anymore. Really , you can’t. Mostly people aren’t what they seem. So, because of some horrible persons out in this world, people get killed / murdered / raped … And suddenly this all sticks with this society. Daily you see these things on the news. It gets normal in this society we live in. Although for people who don’t really care about what’s happening in the world. People who just stick with their life and family, thinking that this won’t happen to them. Well, they are wrong. Such cruel things can happen to everyone.

You’re not destined to be killed way to early. You’re not destined to be raped or to lose your children. It just happens. It could all depend on what kind of relations you have with certain people. You could have a friend, which eventually turns out to be really bad. I don’t know. It all happens and it scares the shit out of me. I can’t really trust a lot of people anymore.

This age it even happens that parents kill their own family and reversed. Recently a daughter asked her boyfriend to kill her mom. And he did it. The girl just stood next to it. When I hear something like that, my heart freezes. Where is this taking us to? Can’t you even trust your own parents anymore? What makes people do such a things..? I’m really scared nowadays.

Imagine you’re at a friend’s house and you get into an argue with his parents. You think: “ oh yeah, this is normal, it are just parents. They don’t think the way I think. I argue with my mom every day. “ And suddenly your friend’s dad takes his gun and pulls the trigger. Or even worse he tortures you till you are dead. I mean, everywhere you go you have to be careful.

I think this society gets a lot of people crazy in their head. Murder is a normal thing nowadays. Like rape and theft. It all seems to be part of the society. Jails are over-crowded. Still people keep committing crimes. Where is this going to end? What the hell is going to happen with my own children? Will they lose virginity at 10? Are they going to kill someone at 12?

Old

Hello. Whilst I was browsing through my old blogs on my computer, I found this small text. So don’t mind the spelling, nor the style in which it’s written.

“i just got back from work. this morning i noticed something that made me a little bit upset. everywhere you go you get a fine for leaving trash on the streets. well, where do i need to throw it if there isn’t any trashcan? i needed to get rid of an empty pack of cigarettes. i was looking left and right to find a trashcan. well, there isn’t one at all. the street where i live hasn’t got a trashcan! my street is probably 1000 metres long and still no trashcan. mother nature will not be satisfied with this! the worst thing is, that there used to be some trashcans, but they are all gone…”

Well. Personally I believe it’s really awkward to read what you’ve actually written in the past. But at the same time it feels good to see yourself getting more mature. And to be honest, even today there aren’t many trashcans on the street.

And oh, I really want to say that what happened in Haïti makes me really sad. Back in the days I thought this only was possible in movies, but the past few years I realized that there are many things that can destroy people’s lives. And that makes me really scared. Rest in peace.

Mystery

Life is a mystery, and so am I. But so are you, and everything else in this world. Every single step you take, you’ll be confronted with a whole new place and situation. The fallen leaves on the ground changed position, all because of the wind took them along. The bricks and mortar of a building slightly got covered by rain or sand that the wind brought along. All the people passing by, constantly changing their mind. There’s no doubt that they are still thinking the exact same thing as when they crossed you.

Every time I walk downtown or just go outside, I notice that my mind actually thinks about such things. I don’t consider everything as ‘normal’. Because I truly believe that nothing in this world is normal.  It’s not that this is evolving into an obsession or something, but I think it’s just interesting to try and figure out some things. But in the end, it’s impossible. I’ll never know exactly what the person in front of me, or the people around me think.

When I see someone coughing for example, I unconscious try and link a situation to that person. I try to figure out his history, without having negative prejudices. I just try to shape a kind of background. At that moment, I immediately see an imaginary tunnel going back in the future I imagine myself.

It’s kind of scary to think about this, but I’m sure that everyone knows what I mean. I believe it’s normal that you try and put the pieces together. It’s like reading a book and forming a shape of the protagonist. But now, the main character of your story actually has a body-shape.

So tell me, have you ever experienced this?

lyrics

hello guys. I thought it was a good thing to talk about something less dramatic. So that’s why I decided to talk about music (which is among the best ways to express your feelings).

I really love music. It’s a side of our life, which we can’t neglect. We can’t live without it and nor our economy can. And that’s the sad part of it. Nowadays some people only see the money-side of it and start creating a bunch of meaningless, stupid songs. Personally I don’t like this, but hey … what can we change about it. Music means freedom and freedom means doing everything you want. So basically it’s not up to me to point them at their stupidness. Maybe they just like what they make .. and maybe they are sincere? Who knows … don’t ever judge a person without knowing him or her !

As a matter of fact, I’m in love with singer-songwriters. I think their songs are so deep. Here is a song of them. I really believe that this lyric is the best I’ve ever heard: (Regina Spektor – Laughing With)

Question:

What’s your favorite lyric or song? And why?

serial killer

One man, several murders. This is the story of a Belgian man, who’s cruel deeds are now revealed. Investigators still don’t know whether the man has committed more murders. Killing innocent people, just for the thrill.

Three years ago he killed a girl called ‘Annick’. Since her dead nobody knew who the killer was… until now. This horrendous person recently killed an innocent couple. At first, the police thought the man had lost control over his mind and unintentionally killed them. But now, it turned out to be a serial killer, because he made a fault (which is now revealed) when he murdered Annick.

Well people, what is wrong with us? What’s wrong with this fucking society? I mean… why can’t we just use our common sense and wish everyone the best in their lives? It’s not that hard, is it? If someone walks into me and doesn’t say sorry, I’m not going to kill him. I can’t believe people do such things. I strongly believe there is a big problem going on in this world. And I can’t say that there are a lot of people who actually care about it.

And that’s why I not only blame those murderers. Because some of them have serious mental disorders. And I believe that’s something Belgium’s law-system and official partners have to detect way earlier.

So please people, if you see something happening or if you feel something isn’t right. Do something with it.

(and I’m sorry for the rather emotional blog-post, but I had to say this. J )

turn the page

Hi guys. I decided to tell you a bit more about my past. In this way you might understand some of my poems better. But of course I don’t feel like telling all my personal details, as I need to keep in mind that this is the internet.

Well… only three months ago I decided to cut my hair. Before that, I used to have very long hair, almost covering my entire face. And I must say, that the time I considered this as cool or whatever, I felt bad. I didn’t feel good with who I was. There was so much drama going on in my life, that I hardly encouraged myself to stay on the right path.

Unfortunately this resulted in a bad relationship with my parents, teachers and some of my friends. They didn’t like the way I looked, nor the way I acted. I didn’t intend to work for anything related to school. My marks were far below good, and some people on my school were constantly laughing at me.

After two years of living like this, I realized it was time for a huge change. Starting with my hair. I considered this as a sign to change my life. To open myself up to the rest of the world, to start living my life. And I must say this worked out very well. This was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life.

did you undergo some big changes in your life? if yes, tell me!

combination of everything

White walls surrounding a boy with a black worn out sweater ;

Looking at his desk, with a depressive aura surrounding him.

Writing down his emotions,  using his beloved  purple pencil,

Words his mouth never could have formed in real life.

Raising his head, noticing a class full of grey shades;

Desperately trying to find their own, growing identity,

Each one of them exploring their body and feelings;

Their love for someone, seems to change like the weather does;

One day it’s a blue sky:  they’re looking for a trustable person;

But the other day the sky is filled with grey surfaces and rainy clouds:

They’re looking for a reserved or powerful person;

to have, to possess.

And at the end of the week, whilst sitting on the top of a mountain,

Looking at the sunset turning the sky in a warm and orange place:

They’re looking for an energetic person, with sensual demands;

To spend the night with.

He wants them to disappear as quickly as they possibly can;

His breathing accelerating, as his mind can’t endure them anymore.

Trying to position their stupid behavior;

Writing it down with his purple pencil,

Turning their stupidness in a colorful rainbow, guiding him in a positive way through life.

Note:

I want you to re-read this poem, keeping this in mind:

White:                  energy / perfection / sincerity / clarity

Black:                    reserved / formal / depressed

Purple:                 spirituality / nobility

Grey:                    combination of white and black

Blue:                     trust / caring / wisdom / truth

Orange:               sensuality / warmth / security